Saturday, November 10, 2007

Building a relationship with ourselves

You may be asking yourself, how do I follow Rule #1: “DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR ME”?

The first step is to develop a relationship with yourself. You may think you know you, but do you really? Do you know what you really like, and don't like? Or do you usually go with what your parents, spouse, friends or children choose for you? One definition of co-dependence is a failure to have a relationship with oneself, and that's what happens when we place other people's needs before our own. For many alcoholic/addicts, or those who are affected by them, answering the question "who am I?" is scary. Not only will it mean they can no longer please others, but there's also the fear that deep down they're no good.

So we start slowly, day by day, tuning in to that little voice inside us that holds the key to our true nature. We practice being gentle with ourselves, forgiving our setbacks, and remembering that it's all about "progress, not perfection." The goal is to, over time, build a new relationship with ourselves and those around us that is non-judgmental, loving and patient. Honesty is critical; there are many things about us that are positive and some that are negative, and we must take stock of that regularly. It is very important that we accept our humanness, our "perfect imperfection" and our inability to control anything but ourselves. Most importantly we need to trust our right to be, to exist.

"...You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." --Desiderata

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