This is the first entry for my blog and I’m not sure what it “should” look like but here goes...
Since I’ve titled it “A Sober Mind”, I thought it fitting to begin with some definition of what I believe is a sober mind, and how one can achieve and maintain it. Sobriety is often thought of as abstinence, or not being intoxicated. But a sober mind goes far beyond not drinking. A sober mind is one that strives for clarity, awareness and acceptance. It’s having a willingness to modify temperament and behavior so that we are respectful to ourselves and to those around us. A sober mind forgives its mistakes and celebrates its accomplishments. It combats negative thinking by making gratitude lists and giving service to others. Asking for help and practicing humility are also traits of a sober mind. A sober mind takes practice, and its’ about “progress not perfection.”
In this space I will share the things that I find important to living a sober life, both emotionally and physically. My goal is to help you find out who you are and what your needs are. To help you become your own best friend, someone you trust, who will keep you safe. My hope is that you will be able to use my thoughts and philosophy on your journey to... a sober mind.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Read my two recent op eds in
Newsday and The Journal News and listen to my interview on Take 12 Radio
My name is Rita Barsky and I have been an addiction counselor for over 20 years. As a result of my own exciting and often times painful therapeutic journey, I've dedicated my professional life to helping others through the recovery process. In this blog I will share my insights and tips to living a peaceful and sober life.
Read my two recent op eds in
Newsday and The Journal News and listen to my interview on Take 12 Radio
1-on-1 Counseling
The title of the blog is A Sober Mind so I thought it fitting I begin with some definition of what I believe is a sober mind and how I believe one can achieve and maintain a sober mind. Sobriety is often thought of as being abstinent, not drinking or not being intoxicated. That is one definition. What is a sober mind? A sober mind is a mind that has clarity, awareness, acceptance and a willingness to modify temperament and behavior.
If I sound like someone who you would feel comfortable talking with please call me to discuss setting-up an appointment. I also welcome you to call me to just ask questions: 516 729 1214
RITA’S RULES FOR MENTAL SOBRIETY:
Rule # 1:
Do what is right for you.
The most important thing to remember is your needs are as important as everyone else’s. Putting yourself first is not selfish it is absolutely necessary in order to be a loving, caring, productive human being. It is impossible for a person to care for or love anyone else if they don’t love and care for ourselves. The quality of our relationships with others is directly related to the quality of our relationship with ourselves. No one can give what they haven’t got. In order to do what is right for you it is necessary to find out who you are and be able to identify your needs.
Rule # 2:
Keep you head where your feet are.
When a crisis happens the first impulse is to control the situation, do something, fix something, or change something. In many cases the best thing to do is to realize that for that moment nothing has changed and there is no immediate need. For example the gossip at work is people will be let go at the end of to year. Upon hearing such news, physically one can experience anxiety and feeling gripped with fear. The need to act is very intense, to do something and make those painful feeling go away. It is important to remember that for this day nothing has changed. There are actions that can help. Make a phone call to a trusted person, write about the feelings that are being experienced, physically leave the environment if possible. Allowing time to experience the feeling and not react to them makes it possible to step back from the impending crisis and plan an action.
Rule # 3:
Avoid anyone who does not make you feel good about yourself.
Personal boundaries are very important to mental sobriety. There are people in this world who may be very good and kind people. However, the chemistry between you and some people may tense and hostile. Many times these are the people that are closest to us, the people that love us. It is possible in many instances to teach people how to treat us. In some cases it is necessary to be direct and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable. If we are unable to be direct sometimes we can deliver a message by just not engaging. When a person’s behavior makes us uncomfortable we can just remove ourselves. There are instances when it may be necessary to cut off contact completely. That is very drastic and I don’t recommend it unless absolutely necessary.
If I sound like someone who you would feel comfortable talking with please call me to discuss setting-up an appointment. I also welcome you to call me to just ask questions: 516 729 1214
RITA’S RULES FOR MENTAL SOBRIETY:
Rule # 1:
Do what is right for you.
The most important thing to remember is your needs are as important as everyone else’s. Putting yourself first is not selfish it is absolutely necessary in order to be a loving, caring, productive human being. It is impossible for a person to care for or love anyone else if they don’t love and care for ourselves. The quality of our relationships with others is directly related to the quality of our relationship with ourselves. No one can give what they haven’t got. In order to do what is right for you it is necessary to find out who you are and be able to identify your needs.
Rule # 2:
Keep you head where your feet are.
When a crisis happens the first impulse is to control the situation, do something, fix something, or change something. In many cases the best thing to do is to realize that for that moment nothing has changed and there is no immediate need. For example the gossip at work is people will be let go at the end of to year. Upon hearing such news, physically one can experience anxiety and feeling gripped with fear. The need to act is very intense, to do something and make those painful feeling go away. It is important to remember that for this day nothing has changed. There are actions that can help. Make a phone call to a trusted person, write about the feelings that are being experienced, physically leave the environment if possible. Allowing time to experience the feeling and not react to them makes it possible to step back from the impending crisis and plan an action.
Rule # 3:
Avoid anyone who does not make you feel good about yourself.
Personal boundaries are very important to mental sobriety. There are people in this world who may be very good and kind people. However, the chemistry between you and some people may tense and hostile. Many times these are the people that are closest to us, the people that love us. It is possible in many instances to teach people how to treat us. In some cases it is necessary to be direct and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable. If we are unable to be direct sometimes we can deliver a message by just not engaging. When a person’s behavior makes us uncomfortable we can just remove ourselves. There are instances when it may be necessary to cut off contact completely. That is very drastic and I don’t recommend it unless absolutely necessary.
Books on Sobriety
- Emotional Sobriety
- Under The Influence
- Leaving the Enchanted Forest
- Courage to Change
- One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
- AA Big Book
- Call Me Anna: The Autobiography of Patty Duke
- If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!
- Chalk Talks on Alcohol
- The Velveteen Rabbit
- Hope For The Flowers
- A Brilliant Madness
- Trauma and Addiction
- It Will Never Happen to Me!
Helpful Links
Organizations
- Information about Opioid Dependence
- Information about Opioid Dependence and Buprenorphine Treatment
- Mental Health Organizations by State
- National Institute On Druge Abuse (NIDA)
- Physician Certification for Opioid Dependence with Buprenorphine Treatment
- The National Alliance of Advocates for Buprenorphine Treatment
4 comments:
hello, came accross this by surfing but it sure deals with me.
I'm patricio, sober for only 16 months but still far from a "sober mind". I thouroughly enjoyed this post and will be coming back for more.
Today my issue is Acceptance. You see my wife has started up something new to add to her dancing hobby. She and 2 g/fs are hiring professional dance instructors 2 times per week. I didn't know I would be so jealous and it has caused me much grief these past few weeks. Of course I considered divorce immediately and bigtime anger. Your topic today rings a bell to me becos I don't know who, what or anything else, what my likes, dislikes are.
Thanks and hope to hear some more good stuff and to practice....on the one hand I look forward to growing on the other is great fear!
cheers
patrick
new mexico/singapore
Hi Patricio,
Thank you for your comment and congratulations on your 16 months. You are on a very exciting and sometimes frightening journey. I'm glad my thoughts and ideas were helpful to you.
Rita
Thanks Rita! My first trip to your blog, I enjoyed reading and catching up with the posts. Good stuff, great to know you're "available" online and I look forward to more.
-- Jeanine
i'm glad to have found your blog. I've been in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic and addict who, although he has been very courageous in his recovery, still has issues to deal with regarding being vulnerable and being open to real intimacy. I feel like our relationship is very carefully contained and although we have a lot of good times when we are together, something about it rings hollow. Plus he just told me that he doesn't see our relationship going beyond where we are right now.
Reading your blog has somehow helped. I'm not sure how, but it offered me comfort, so thank you. I realize I've swept quite a few of my own needs under the rug and that has contributed to my feeling bad about us. I feel I have so much to sort out and it's really scary. What you've said has been echoed by my sponsor - about knowing myself in order to know what is right for me. But I tell you, from where i'm standing, it's REALLY hard. So much pain to deal with. One step at a time, right? Thanks again.
Post a Comment